RE: Moe's Autoethnography

Autoethnography Response Sheet
ENGL 110
Peer Editing

Read the draft and conduct a peer conference according to the guidelines.

Next, answer these specific questions on a separate piece of paper:

1. What type of lead did the writer use? Action!
2. Is it successful? Why or why not? Absolutely!- It grabs you and makes you want to find out what happens to superman.

3. Does the title grab your attention? If no, do you have any suggestions for another title? Cosplayer: Unleashed. lol

4. Highlight in one color the writer’s description of his/her subculture.

5. Is this information adequate? Where could the writer have provided more information? Yep, it was really descriptive. It totally covered it.

6. How many narrative examples does the writer use? (Note: I don’t have the piece on me anymore..) Um, there were two different narratives: the main one was about the actual convention and was broken up into lots of little clips, the other was about growing up at a catholic school, which lead to the will to become a cosplayer and go to the convention. I know your paper’s already massive, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to add some more stories like your private school experience to add to the buildup to the convention as well as some stories of you being more of yourself since the convention.

7. Does each narrative example show how the writer’s membership in the subculture has helped shaped his/her identity?
Yeah, the catholic school bit totally explains it all. You could go into more how it affects you now, or has affected you since you became a cosplayer, though. I think it would help smooth out the paper a bit, so that you’ve got the before and after picture.=]

8. ***Using a different color highlighter, identify any analysis the writer performs in this piece. Where, specifically, does he/she analyze how the narrative examples have shaped identity? I think this would have to be the private school experience. When you explained being at the school, you mentioned how it lead you to be involved in comic books and whatnot, and made you care very little about “fitting in”.=]

9. Using a third color, highlight any examples of rich, sensory details or strong action verbs. AHHHH I WISH I HAD YOUR PAPER! Lol Believe me, your paper would almost entirely be covered in this highlighter given I could mark it up.=] “ I just about sh*t a brick.” Yep, that was my favorite. Off the top of my head, the intro and your flashback of Halloween was packed full of description, as well as the night leading up to and that morning. “Leaves crunching beneath my nikes” The actual convention was pretty good, you could switch out some of the more generic verbs for some more active ones, like rather than doug jones hugging you, he embraced you (or whatever other word you like to kind of change things up a bit=] ).

10. Does the writer have a strong conclusion? Or did you feel “dropped” at the end of the piece? Make some suggestions for improvement, if appropriate. Like I said, I no longer have your work on me, but you did a good job of bringing the day to an end. It made me want to go too, but that’s just me. Lol =]

11. Identify the audience for this piece. What, specifically, has the writer done to make this piece both appealing and appropriate for the stated audience? The audience would be any person who is not a cosplayer, or is unfamiliar with the concept. Description is everything, and you nailed it. From writing about how it feels to dress up at Halloween to the mobs of nerds swarming around superman, you made it a really interesting read. Oh, and your comparisons and (does the word mannerisms work?) totally add to it all. Great job.=]